Trump And Putin’s Weekend In Paris

Trump And Putin’s Weekend In Paris


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,”
EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. HAPPY FRIDAY!( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GIVE IT UP FOR YOURSELF. WE MADE IT! I HOPE EVERYONE HAS BIG PLANS
FOR THE WEEKEND. DONALD TRUMP DOES. HE’S GOING TO PARIS. OR AS TRUMP DESCRIBES IT:
>>PARIS IS NO LONGER PARIS.>>Stephen (AS TRUMP): ” YOU ARE
NO LONGER PARIS. BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY NO
ONE, I HEREBY RENAME YOU, ‘FURRY ARMPIT JUNCTION.'”
( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP IS IN– HE’S OVER THERE–
HE’S OVER THERE BECAUSE HE WANTS THAT MILITARY PARADE, RIGHT. HE IS OVER THERE FOR A BIG
MILITARY PARADE THAT WILL MARK THE 100th ANNIVERSARY OF THE
WORLD WAR I ARMISTICE. IN HONOR OF AMERICA’S SERVICE IN
THE GREAT WAR, WE SENT OUR BIGGEST DOUGHBOY.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
AS I SAID, TRUMP REALLY WANTED
HIS OWN MILITARY PARADE, BUT IT’S BEEN POSTPONED UNTIL AT
LEAST 2019, WHICH WILL GIVE THE PENTAGON ENOUGH TIME TO COMPLETE
THEIR NEW F-13 GARFIELD.( LAUGHTER )
BUT THINGS COULD GET TENSE BETWEEN TRUMP AND MACRON,
BECAUSE FRANCE IS OPPOSED TO NEW U.S. SANCTIONS AGAINST IRAN,
WHICH TRUMP ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK ON TWITTER, WITH THIS MEME:
“SANCTIONS ARE COMING.” ALTHOUGH, WHEN IT COMES TO “GAME
OF THRONES” REFERENCES, I PREFER THE TRUMP FAMILY MOTTO: “A TRUMP
NEVER PAYS HIS DEBTS.”( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, IT MAY BE TENSE– IT MIGHT
BE TENSE OVER THERE, BUT TRUMP WILL HAVE AT LEAST ONE ALLY IN
PARIS: RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN, OKAY. IT MAKES SENSE, IT MAKES SENSE
THAT PUTIN IS GOING TO MEET DONALD TRUMP IN PARIS. HE’S USUALLY INVOLVED WHEN
TRUMP’S AROUND SOMEONE GOING, “OUI, OUI!”
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
ALLEGEDLY. ALLEGEDLY.>>Jon: WOW!>>Stephen: ALLEGEDLY. BUT WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS GOING
TO MEET WITH PUTIN WHILE IN PARIS, TRUMP TOLD REPORTERS
“PROBABLY NOT,” EXPLAINING, “WE HAVEN’T SET ANYTHING UP
YET.”(AS TRUMP): “WHATEVER HAPPENS,
HAPPENS. WE DON’T WANT TO MAKE THE EVENT
TOO FORMAL. THE DRESS CODE IS ‘COLLUSION
CASUAL.'”( LAUGHTER )
NOW FOR A CHANGE, FOR A CHANGE, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT’S NOT IN THE NEWS: THE CARAVAN! ♪ ♪ ♪
THANKS. I WENT INTO THE SPIN TOO LATE. I WENT TO THE SPIN TOO LATE. FOR THOSE TOO YOU YOUNG TO
REMEMBER THE CARAVAN, A WEEK AGO IT WAS ALL ANYBODY COULD TALK
ABOUT.>>THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF
MIGRANTS LITERALLY MARCHING TO THE U.S. IN WHAT WOULD BE A MASS
INVASION.>>THEY ARE COMING IN WITH
DISEASES SUCH AS SMALLPOX AND LEPROSY AND T.B. THAT ARE GOING
TO INFECT OUR PEOPLE.>>GANG ACTIVITY, GANG MEMBERS
IN THOSE CARAVANS.>>DANGEROUS CRIMINALS.>>IT’S NOT A CARAVAN. IT’S AN INVASION.>>IT IS A FULL-SCALE INVASION
BY A HOSTILE FORCE.>>Stephen: AND NOW, IT’S GONE.( LAUGHTER )
I MEAN, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WHO GOT RID OF THE CARAVAN? COULD IT BE… THE CARAVAN? ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
I CAN’T DO THAT. I CAN’T DO THE…( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: I LIKE THAT SPIN! I LIKE THAT SPIN!>>Stephen: CAN’T DO THAT–
CAN’T DO THAT AT THE END OF A WEEK LIKE THIS. NOW, IN FACT, I COUNTED HOW MANY
TIMES THEY TALKED ABOUT THE CARAVAN ON “FOX & FRIENDS.” WELL, TECHNICALLY, I HAD MY
FOOTAGE DEPARTMENT DO IT. I CAN’T WATCH “FOX & FRIENDS,”
BECAUSE MY DOCTOR SAYS IT’S JUST HORRIBLE.( LAUGHTER )
ANYWAY, THIS IS TRUE, IN THE SIX DAYS LEADING UP TO THE ELECTION,
THEY USED THE WORD “CARAVAN” AN AVERAGE OF 21 TIMES PER EPISODE. THEN, THE DAY AFTER THE
MIDTERMS, “FOX & FRIENDS” ONLY MENTIONED IT ONCE. YEAH. IT WAS HUGE FOR, LIKE, A WEEK,
AND NOW NOTHING. IT’S THE TIDE POD CHALLENGE OF
AMERICAN POLITICS.( LAUGHTER )
EXCEPT TIDE PODS WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOU.

100 thoughts on “Trump And Putin’s Weekend In Paris

  1. ' I'm not going" * stamps feet… 'but sir you have to !! " ' not going !!!! I'm…. I've… I've a pain in my foot… eh it's raining "

  2. Who was this Trump that people briefly mentioned in passing?
    I saw him in a few really shittey Z-minus movies, but I can't recall who he was.
    Oh. Well. It's Not important who he was.

    The above comment is brought to you by:
    "The movement to make a washed up, fake reality flop like Trump, irrelevant again, in 2018 and beyond. "

    Our motto "I vaguelly recall who he was"

  3. I BET TRUMP WALKS LIKE HE'S HAD A CORN COB WORKING ON HIS ANOL HOLE FOR A VERY LONG TIME WHEN HE GETS BACK… PUTIN WAS PUTTING IT TO HIM……… L. M. A. O.

  4. OMG! What is wrong with this country! Why doesn't everyone see things the same way I do? I mean anyone who disagrees with me is obviously a racist facist misogynistic homophobic moron. Gosh, it's so exhausting being right all the time, excuse me while I run to the nearest safe space and crawl into my empathy tent.

  5. these Liberal comedians think they're morally superior; virtue signal to affirm their higher standing in the human hierarchy, but if you're seriously watching their 'moral' behavior, it is a sham. Colbert covets Daniel Craig's wife, pretends to be his best friend, while Jim Jefferies sleeps around with women from the audience, bringing back bacterial STDs to his girlfriend, who he has a child with already.

  6. David Ward is a jackass. The last case of smallpox was reported in 1977. By 1980, the World Health Organization certified that smallpox was totally eradicated.

  7. tRump want's his own military parade. Well, if it happens, I hope it is a good day, or he just won't turn up if it is raining. He will stay home and watch it on TV…in comfort, noy actually be out and involved, like all the military personnel that would be there.

  8. We should erect a statue of putin in every state of the country. Putin's goal to destroy America was perfectly planned. Putin controls the world. All hail Putin!!!🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏😢😢😢. #trumpisatraitor #lockhimup

  9. France doesn’t do a ‘big military parade’ for Armistice Day. That’s reserved for Bastille Day, 14 Juillet. Surprised Stephen’s fact-checkers missed that.

  10. Did you notice at the end of Macron speech Trump and Putin mirror each other in stall tactic as well as late clap

  11. Viewing this after the fact, I facepalm. Why did he even go there if he didn't go to the graveyard to pay his respects? Seriously…

  12. The last known naturally occurring case of small pox in America was in 1949. The last case world wide was in the 1970's and it was announced in 1980 that it had been eradicated off the face of the earth. Yet one more time Trump and his flunkies don't research something before opening their mouths. Even salmons have a filter in their mouth's! Trump should learn from a fish but then he doesn't know how to use a computer to research anything. When Ivanka accepted the job she said she'd never take, she did put a computer on Trump's desk and turn it on. Then she had pictures of him and a man learning over looking at the screen. Another Trump family con job. Got it from Fred Trump who pretended until 1980 (too bad he wasn't eradicated) that the Trump's were Swedish. All of them lied because their Father taught them to!) because he didn't want the American government to know he was German so soon after the war. The world knew by that time what the Nazi's had done to at least 11 million people and being German in America wouldn't have been in his favor when being considered to build massive housing projects to house 27,000 apartments in New York. One Freddie wouldn't let anyone darker rent. Donnie and he were sued for it and lost. But by that time Fred had become a millionaire on OUR money. The liers. And Fred too dyed his hair a type of magenta. In those days men did not dye their hair or it was very rare. But unlike his son Fred never cheated on his wife. On October 23, 2018 I went in to check my facts on Wikipedia about Fred and just that morning someone had changed a lot of the information on his biography! And it makes Fred look good when he wasn't. Donnie got his lying and conning and his bigotry from his pop. Putin's was changed as well and I suppose Trump's have been changed. I'll check on Hitler's next. The more I learn about Trump the more I think he liked Hitler but he's at least smart enough to not say that. And Putin told him to stop bragging about him not paying taxes for 18 years. He did that on another of our days devoted to Veterans!! The draft dodger went to VC territory by himself on Veterans Day in 2016. Spitting on dead Vets and all the dead allies of the Vietnam war. Shaking the hand of the lead VC then going over to his master, talking with him for an hour and a half in private then leaving and not going to the summit at all! Another slap in the face to Americans. Putin wouldn't even let him attend the summit which was the cover story of why Trump was going in the first place!! Moron, letting himself be used like that by a psychopath who hates America and always has. Russia taught the VC how to murder Americans during the war as well as give them billions of dollars worth of weapons and helicopters, etc. Putin's known the President of Vietnam for decades as fellow Communists. No matter what he puts on his Wikipedia bio Putin is still using KGB tactics and he spits on America every chance he gets. He's that jealous. 🙁

  13. So much corruption and crime within the Republican Party how dishonest are they, the swamp is growing and now stinks.
    If not for the media you would not be aware of these crony's and there shonky deals, they would be running your government.

    Trump has done a number on the Party by putting dodgy loyalist in jobs to carry out his dirty work and build a dictatorship.

    Obama would have had these people charged and jailed for this sort of behaviour in the public office and outside the office..

  14. this commentators are american media canibals…they dont respect the millions of other american voters…they divide you americans…

  15. After Dems took over the House, Trump started acting weird and he gets grumpy and desperate.Maybe he knew that he is going to jail soon.Impeach the orange buffoon.Trump is an embarrassment to humanity.

  16. There are millions of American patriots who died all over the world, not particularly in France alone , in the Vietnam war an important number of American soldiers died, in Irak, Syria, Lebanon, Philippines wars and so many others…in most cases wars and invasion are done, not to defend the habitants of the weak developing countries but to profit the oil sources and take over the richesse of the country invaded. Military weapons suppliers rejoice , provoque and encourage more wars as this gives them colossal amount of money. Wars caused more chaos and collateral damages. What a paradoxal world, few give attention and deep concern to this.

  17. Well now I say Son…
    As a Vegan I would avoid Paris and the rich fatty foods and go to 'Furry Armpit Junction', anytime.

  18. Yes Trump is an idiot. Whats new for the USA?
    As an Australian I find all the choices in the USA disgusting.
    I still can't make up my mind who would have been best. Trump or Sanders? Definitely not Hillary.
    Yes I liked Sanders but the man showed he did not have any guts when the right to stand was stolen from him by Hillary. If there ever was a chance to lead the USA in a new direction he had the chance to do it. Stand as an Independent. I am certain he would have had at least half the Democrats follow him and a big percentage of the moderates in the Repubs but he did not have the guts to take the chance. He also would have encountered tremendous resistance from the Deep State and certain Vested Interests. I very much doubt now he could have stood up to them at all.
    The more I think about it Trump was the best choice. Odds on he will drag the USA down and it will take years to recover but at least with Trump there will be no new wars. Trump is all noise. He will make enemies of most of the World but will not start wars.
    With Hillary there would have been more Wars and much the same result for the US Economy. Not that worries me unduly. The people of the USA have to live with that.
    Yes, as an Australian Trump is better in most ways. So sad. No real choice in the USA.

  19. All you communists/socialists need to take your ideology back to 1975 where it really belongs, do you really think Americans want to stand in bread lines?

  20. The right hates that "coastal liberal elites" are the winners in a service-based multicultural globalized society because of our open worldview and high intelligence, and they blame all their failures on minorities and undocumented immigrants. They are seeing how America is increasingly becoming vibrantly diverse, and how non-white people will soon be the majority and losing their privilege terrifies them. Republicans have now become the party of old white people who refuse to give up their white privilege and who wants to make America white.

    I've come to realize that much of American history is made up of periods where liberals drag right wingers kicking and screaming into the future, then we try to compromise for a while, then we go back to dragging.

    "No, right wingers, we're not going back to England."

    "No, right wingers, you can't form your own country with blackjack and slaves."

    "No, right wingers, you can't keep denying women the right to votes."

    "No, right wingers, we're not going back to the way things were before the depression."

    "No, right wingers, literacy tests aren't constitutional."

    "No, right wingers, you can't deny homosexuals the right to marry."

    It's always been liberals dragging conservatives against their will into a better future. I grew up in one of the in-between eras, where we all thought that compromise was a possibility, but I'm more and more realizing how mistaken I was about that. It's time once again for liberals and progressives to stop being nice and drag our country into the 21st century.

    The simple fact of the matter is that conservatives just aren't offering any good ideas any more. What's the compromise between "We need to stop climate change" and "Lol, climate change isn't a real?" Or "Homosexuals should have the right to marry" and "Homosexuals cause hurricanes?"

    What middle ground is there between the future Obama represented (diversity, tolerance, class, education, healthcare for all, multiculturalism) vs the horrible future Trump represents (white privilege, racism, sexism, bigotry, discrimination)? There is none, we cannot allow idiotic racists from pulling us back. The demographics have changed, old white men should not control everything, and our country must change as well to reflect the new progressive reality.

  21. Hey, Murica ? Don't send Putin's bellboy here next time, mmkay ? We have some standards here so if you're going to send a representative to Europe, make sure it's a president. Thanks in advance !

  22. every video Stephen uses the word " Allegedly " it was funny the first 1000 times but now after 10 000 th time not so much …

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