Trump And Putin’s Weekend In Paris

Trump And Putin’s Weekend In Paris

WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,” EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. HAPPY FRIDAY!( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GIVE IT UP FOR YOURSELF. WE MADE IT! I HOPE EVERYONE HAS BIG PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND. DONALD TRUMP DOES. HE’S GOING TO PARIS. OR AS TRUMP DESCRIBES IT: >>PARIS IS NO LONGER PARIS.>>Stephen (AS TRUMP): ” YOU […]

Vampire Weekend Performs ‘Sympathy’

Vampire Weekend Performs ‘Sympathy’

>>Stephen: THEY ANNOUNCED THEIR EXTENDED 2020 “FATHER OF THE BRIDE” TOUR LAST WEEK. PERFORMING “SYMPATHY” FROM THEIR ALBUM “FATHER OF THE BRIDE,” PLEASE WELCOME VAMPIRE WEEKEND! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ALONE IN SOMEONE’S BEDROOM SHE FIRMLY TOOK MY HAND ♪ […]

President Obama’s Weekend of Insults

President Obama’s Weekend of Insults

WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M STEPHEN COLBERT. AS YOU CAN TELL I’VE GOT MY SEXY, POST-LABOR DAY VOICE TONIGHT. EVERYBODY ELSE HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EXTRAORDINARY, EXTRAORDINARY. I KNOW WHO DIDN’T HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND WAS PRESIDENT OBAMA. HE FLEW TO CHINA FOR LABOR DAY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO […]

How Donald Trump Spent His MLK Weekend

How Donald Trump Spent His MLK Weekend

WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY, EVERYBODY. (APPLAUSE) CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THE DOME? IS IT POSSIBLE? (APPLAUSE) THAT’S UP THERE ALL THE TIME. IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE FITTING TONIGHT. (LAUGHTER) FOR ANYONE WHO HAD TODAY OFF, I HOPE YOU SELL BRAITED IN […]